Dear Lyla,
...or Baby Girl, or Lima Bean, or Lyla Bean, or Lyla Bear, Little Bean. Or smoosh face, or lovey pants, or squishy bum, or whatever ridiculous nickname you inspire on any given day. In your first hour I called you so many different things the nurses made fun of me! Speaking of your first hours I thought I would take this brief and rare moment alone to tell you about them. You and your daddy are taking a bath right now. He has to go to work tomorrow so he gets to hang out with you tonight.
I know it's been two months since those first hours but they still feel like yesterday. And I'm sorry I haven't been writing anything on here. I have been keeping track of all the amazing things you have been doing every second of every day. I have a little list. Like the day of your first party, and the first time Meemaw watched you all by yourself, and your first lunch out with Gramma. But I haven't written about the day you were born, until now.
Mommy started feeling you pushing and tugging in there more than usual on Sunday November 20th. I had already had one false start so I wanted to make sure this one was real, so your dad and I just lazed about all day watching football and eating mac and cheese and pbnj's. It was really lovely. I had woken up at 7 that morning and took a shower because my back had hurt so bad, so I had a feeling that something was different and by 4pm I was sure. And so was your dad. At this point I would have to stop whatever I was doing for every contraction so we decided to go to the hospital! Holy crap! We took our time packing up and I took a shower and we slowly made our way...very slowly because I had a contraction on our way to the car, and then from the car to the labor and delivery room. I couldn't believe it was really happening! You were going to actually come out and see us! Omygoodness. The excitement was unreal, the pain was bizarre, and the reality of everything was so nice and comforting. This journey we'd been on had been so crazy and here it was coming to the best part, you!
I should back up for a second and talk about the scheduled C section that was on the calendar for the very next day. I was really stressed about this whole thing because I didn't want to pick your birthday. But the doctors didn't want us to go any longer because you were so big already. Sigh. I cried and cried the week before...I was so grateful, my baby girl, that you decided to make the decision on your own. I really need to thank you for that. What ended up happening was not my ideal birthing situation, but I am forever thankful that you let me know it was ok. And that you picked your birthday.
So! When we got to the hospital they hooked us up to all kinds of things to see how we were doing. And everything was great. Except my water hadn't broken and I wasn't very dilated. Which meant all this pain wasn't doing much. We decided to stay in the hospital anyways as we had the c section scheduled for the next morning. If you decided to make some progress we'd be able to go ahead and birth you the good old fashioned way. And if you didn't, well, the surgeons and doctors would be ready for us. We had the option to just do the c section that night but I wanted to give you a chance. So your dad and I hunkered down for the evening and made some calls. The contractions were steady all night but more and more painful and mostly in my lower back. Your mom totally wimped out at this point, I was tired and possibly delirious by 4 am and after some really great help from the nurses and a good conversation with your dad we decided to get mommy some pain killers. The doctors checked on your progress at this point. If I hadn't been so relieved to have a break from the pain I might have been devastated that there was no progress. Instead I was glad to get some sleep. Even if it was just an hour. That next morning we had to make the final decision to try to go old fashioned or stay with the c section. When we found out that we had barely made any progress (again, sigh, only 2 more inches, 12 hours and 2 inches.) the doctors told us they wanted us to do the c section. At this point the whole family was almost here! So your daddy and I decided we wanted to meet you and for you to join us as healthy and safe as possible. At 9:40 I was wheeled down the the operating room, you and I hung out while they prepped me, I asked for you daddy a million times. Finally, at 9:55 your daddy came in and they started! A very fast 20 minutes went by and I heard you cry, and they all gasped at your size, and your dad started crying and they held you up so I could see and the first words out of my mouth were "she has light hair!" The rest is such a blur. They let daddy hold you and hold you next to me and he was so in love baby girl, it was amazing. And you were here, my little buddy was really here. It was so much emotion all swirling around. Meeting you gave a whole new meaning to overwhelming. Overwhelming love, overwhelming surprise, overwhelming happiness, overwhelming responsibility! They took you away to clean you up and make sure you were as perfect as we thought you were. Your dad was crying and I was telling them to hurry up and stitch me back up and I guess I was yelling because they gave me something to calm me down and the next thing I know I'm being rolled back to see you and daddy. He got to go with you right away, he helped give you your first bath and change your first diaper (his first diaper change, EVER!).
And then I got to hold you, and kiss you, and love all up on you, and feed you, and smell you, and watch you, and touch you, and love you so much. And I didn't ever want to let you go. I still don't ever want to let you go.
Your whole family was there waiting for you. So when we got to our recovery room we let them all in and let them all hold you and love you too. They thanked us. That's how amazing you are. Everyone was just thankful to get to be near you, to hold you, to love you. It's such a fuzzy memory that day. I know that it has to do with the meds they give you for the surgery, but I think a lot of it is just that it's so much love running through you it creates this euphoric state of bliss that makes everything all run together. I remember mostly the way you fit in my arms, like I was built and you were built just to fit together. Like puzzle pieces. My arms and your little body. And I remember how in awe your daddy was. How in love with you he was instantly. And how he kept telling me how proud of me he was. And sometimes he would look at us, you in my arms, and he would start crying. Because of all the happiness.
We got to take you home a few days later, on Thanksgiving. My little butterball came home with us on Thanksgiving evening. You got to meet Panda bear for the first time, and we got to all curl up as one big family in our bed that night. It's so funny to think back to that first night. How strange our house felt, after being gone for only a few days. Like we'd been gone for years. Everything was different, looked different, smelled different, felt different. What had been a house before became a home. Every move we made was with caution and intention. You and I would sleep for hours. Daddy made dinner and took care of Panda bear. It was a quiet lovely time...a time that we will always remember. A time that seems so long ago, but baby girl it's only been two months! And I have so much more to tell you about those two months, but for now you'll have to wait. You are currently asleep in your bouncy chair after your bath and it is just about time for you to have a snack and go to bed.
We love you more than all the apples on all the trees that ever were.
xoxo
